So un-easy ..
I need something… but i don’t know what it is.. i’m no longer mourning, but still something is missing.
I still try to cry sometimes (not really my thing, but i need to let it all out, i really want to move on) and sometimes I can’t stop smiling.
I have no idea what is going on. My soul was ripped, but there is a someone who knows how to patch it. I can’t have feelings yet, but the sensation is beautiful.
I couldn’t move a muscle to smile, but after 2 weeks i felt some warmth.
I still have no idea how it happened.
He was smart enough to add me on his messenger list.. and only now i understand how he got the feeling i am shy.. (wrong feeling.. i tell you!)
The discussion began quick, he wanted to buy my romanian recipes site 
I felt shy to tell him no…
I can’t say it’s hard, but not easy either. My whole life is a little mess and still.. it seems right.
So i have no idea how i feel right now. All i can say is that i am a little happier.
I think i am afraid to feel something too soon.
I remember i had a talk about the near future with my ex, 2-3 days before i met “the Dwarf” (omg, it sounds so funny in english!). We talked about sex and related stuff. I thought i couldn’t do it soon, maybe never, maybe not for a few months.. but he told me i might be able to after 1-2-6 months or maybe ‘tomorrow’. In the meantime… i put my thoughts in order. I can’t go back to what we had for 6 years, i just can’t! … and this is actually the easy part …
It’s the future i’m worried about. That’s the un-easy part … but something tells me it’s going to be a-ok.
