But whyyy ?
Am I to insistent? Do I give the impression that i cannot last a day without seeing someone?
This is me, a little child at 21..
Some of my feelings turned to ash, some are rising just about now. I am not afraid, i know i can love again, miss again, kiss and caress again… just not now. I need a break from all of these.. In the meantime I started to feel free. Freedom is good 
I can do all the crap I want without someone bugging me all the time. I can laugh, sing, dress provocative, I can cry, walk alone in the park, leave home for days and so on without feeling guilty. It’s wonderful!
I thank ‘you’ (you know who you are..) for making me see this.
I needed this breakout badly in order to move on.
What scars me is that I miss you. I miss the nice moments we had together.
We are good friends, even if we briefly know each other. I hate it that I think you avoid me.
I had no plans or thoughts for the future. I only enjoy spending time with you.
I miss the awkward moments we had, the silent seconds, the fear I felt minutes before seeing you..
I can’t be in a relationship right now.. So why can’t we get along as we did before? Why must we feel weird when i leave and why must you feel you need to protect me?
I need to protect myself from me, that’s all. I wish i wasn’t this shy and i have the power to explain all of this.. maybe after a while i will.
I hated the chains I was locked in until the breakup. I hated them for 3 long years.. I hoped it would work but it didn’t. I am passed that now and I hope you understand. Don’t feel estranged, feel free to do whatever you want.
The only thing I regret is that I literally ditched my family and friends to end up breaking up after 6 years. But if I think about it, i would have never met you otherwise.
It scares me a bit that we are almost the same person, but that fear gives me the strength to feel like myself again. You unlocked me and I thank you for that.
What bothers me now is why can’t we get along as we did the first day we met.. That is what I miss the most.
